Performance coach, therapist or personal trainer: which one do you need?

Men in their 30s and 40s often know something is off before they know what to call it. Energy is down, stress is up, patience is thinner than it used to be, and the gym has become optional. The question is who to talk to about it.

Here is how I think about the three most common options.

A therapist

A licensed therapist is trained to diagnose and treat mental health conditions like depression, anxiety and trauma. If you are dealing with something clinical, or with the past in a way that keeps pulling you under, a therapist is the right first call. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

A personal trainer

A personal trainer works on your body: strength, conditioning, movement, and often weight. A good one will change how you look and feel physically. Most trainers stay in that lane, and the hour you spend with them is the hour of work you get.

A performance coach

A performance coach works on how you function day to day: how you think under pressure, how you handle stress, how you recover, what habits you keep, and where you are headed. It looks forward more than back. With me it covers mind, emotions, spirit and body together, because they do not work separately.

Coaching does not treat mental illness, and it does not replace therapy. Many people do both.

How to tell which you need

• If something from the past, or a clinical condition, is running your life, start with a therapist.
• If your goal is purely physical and everything else is in good shape, a personal trainer may be enough.
• If you are functioning but stretched, stressed, flat or stuck, and you want help performing better across the board, that is what a performance coach is for.

If you are not sure, send me a note. I will tell you honestly whether I think coaching is the right fit or whether you would be better served somewhere else.